If someone would have asked me yesterday how long it's been since I'd written here on Karmalized Life I would have said a few months, or may more, maybe six months. So when I signed on tonight, as I have been meaning to for over, um 2 YEARS apparently, I was shocked! Geez! Why does 2 years ago seem like yesterday? Why does time pass as slow as a slug when we're children but as fast as a formula one race car when we become adults?
I wish the answer but different ... more complex, but it's not. As we grow older we spend less and less time in the present moment and more time everywhere else ... we think about the past and the future, about our vacation next month and our meetings from yesterday. I wish we didn't. I don't want time to continue to sprinting past my conscious mind, faster and faster until the days and years blur together.
The good news is that there are definitely ways to slow down time and be more present, but it takes work on our part as adults, whereas for kids, it's natural and effortless. Lucky little punks. ;)
Today, I will celebrate my 31st birthday. One year ago, I was about to turn the big 3-0 and I was terrified. I COULD NOT BELIEVE that I was actually leaving my 20's. 30 sounded SO OLD. Like life was over ... well, at least the fun, awesome, carefree life I lived from about 19-28. But, as it turned out, I made it past my 30th birthday and today, as I embark upon my 31st year, I am actually more confident and clear than ever before. Wiser, older souls will tell you that your 30's and even 40's are the best years of your life. And I am beginning to believe that. But, they are good, or great in a very different and deeper way.
In our 20's there is still and entire life to be lived. Anything is possible and we can easily change our course at a moments notice. How thrilling! As we get older, life tends to get more "serious" and we take on more responsibilities and often our future seems less exotic and more planned out. BUT, but my friends, the things that begin to matter, REALLY matter. Many of us meet our lifelong mate. We have children, we realize we WILL NOT be on earth forever and we (hopefully) choose to spend the time we do have in more meaningful ways.
Prior to turning 30, I went a little nuts. Well, maybe I just got creative ... I disguised myself in a wig, hat and fabulous, movie star sunglasses and I broadcast myself on youtube as Miss29 ... the quintessential woman who was about to turn 30, and was bound and determined not to turn 30 while working at a job she hated (hmm ... sounds like a novel perhaps?). I shot several videos in the months before I turned into Miss30. And then, I did get a new job. I worked all last year at this sweet little private school where everyone was SO NICE and we got 8 weeks paid vacation! Sounds great, but somehow, my soul still felt flat sitting behind a desk all day. Even a desk surrounded by young, soaring, souls. In a way, it made things worse. All these young people, who still had their entire lives before them ... they still had the chance to live the exact life they wanted to, whereas me, well, I had moved to LA to be a big star and now, I was working at a school where I felt totally invisible. To a high school student, a 30 year old woman is just plain old.
But, I knew that I too could still create the life I've always wanted to live and I began to put my energy back into wanting to be a food personality on television. And guess what? Within weeks, I was hosting 4 cooking segments on KTLA! This gave the the confidence to quite the job at the school, even though I adored the people and still love to visit from time to time, and as I turn 31, I can finally say, I have found MY path once again and it is uniquely my own. It's a quirky, risky, my-way-or-the-highway road. And it's true that I can't see what's around the next corner, but that is just the way I love it.
Hello year 31 ... I can't wait to meet you.
This is a good story about a woman who also found her true path after walking someone else's for far too long.