I live my life in widening circles ...

Temporary Temples

The infamous, stress inducing, time sucking, 405 freeway in Los Angeles is not often, if ever, associated with calm, peace, and reflection. However, as I drove from Sherman Oaks to Beverly Hills by way of the 405 last Sunday, I experienced all three of these things. I was listening to the radio show called On Being with Krista Tippett who was interviewing Joanna Macy, a philosopher of ecology, a Buddhist scholar, and an exquisite translator of the poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke.

It was late afternoon on a cloudless, sun drenched day and I felt vibrant and elated for no specific reason. For the first time in about a year, I noticed my entire being was at peace. No worries, no stress edging under my skin, no to-do list playing silently on repeat. I was living in a blissful moment of pure acceptance of my life ... career, relationships, body and mind. As I noticed this freeing feeling, I embraced it further and let myself indulge wholly in the words on the radio as I sped down the freeway. The poems read spoke to me, clearly a message from the universe, reminding me that this happy-for-no-reason feeling is what it's all about. No matter what job I have, what financial situation I am in, or how many things I did or did not check off my to-do list that week, life is what it is at that moment and we can choose the path of least resistance ... choose to be like water, free flowing and flexible when facing obstacles.

I am busier than I have ever been with my first corporate job, my relationships, and my personal career goals that I work on late into the night. The urge to tightly control everything that's whirling around me had grabbed hold of my spirit, anchoring it to the mundane, the physical, the temporary.

"I live my life in widening circles that reach out across the world. I may not complete this last one but I give myself to it." Upon hearing these words in my state of true fulfillment, my soul soared once again and I remembered the truth. There is very little that we encounter on a daily basis that is worth the stress, the worry, the sadness, the frustration that blankets so many lives. Give in to the chaos, the imperfection, the path that is yours this time around. Ride the currents of life as a participating passenger aboard the ship called Earth and recognize that we were never meant navigate this world without getting lost along the way. I hope you find your own meaning within these two poems and enjoy ... your life.


Widening Circles
By Rainer Maria Rilke; Translation by Joanna Macy and Anita Barrows

I live my life in widening circles

that reach out across the world.

I may not complete this last one

but I give myself to it.

I circle around God, around the primordial tower.

I've been circling for thousands of years

and I still don't know: am I a falcon,

a storm, or a great song?

Let This Darkness Be a Bell Tower
By Rainer Maria Rilke; Translation by Joanna Macy and Anita Barrows

Quiet friend who has come so far,
Feel how your breathing makes more space around you.
Let this darkness be a bell tower
and you the bell. As you ring,

what batters you becomes your strength.
Move back and forth into the change.
What is it like, such intensity of pain?
If the drink is bitter, turn yourself to wine.

In this uncontainable night,
be the mystery at the crossroads of your senses,
the meaning discovered there.

And if the world has ceased to hear you,
say to the silent earth: I flow.
To the rushing water, speak: I am.

With Gratitude for Public Radio and wise words that guide us back home
~L~

A Priceless Message

Art By Josephine Wall

Sometimes I stumble upon a song that resonates with every sinewy fiber of my physical being and speaks to my beyond physical soul, in an ancient language so innate and so familiar, that I'm certain I've heard it's message a thousand times before and must heed it's meaning once more.

Art By Josephine Wall

Xavier Rudd's "Messages" is one of these songs. I've highlighted my favorite parts that opened my heart more fully to the universal consciousness buried (too deeply) within us all.



So now come sit down
Will you talk with me now
Let me see through your eyes
Where there is so much life
We are biding our time For these myths to unwind For these changes we will confront

So please beware
With every place that you had
Look to your soul For the things that you know For the trees that we see Can not forever breathe With the changes they will confront

You know some people they just won't understand
just won't understand
These things
Thank you for your message but I don't understand
no I just won't understand
These things
For this sacred land It has seen many hands It has wealth and gold Yet it is fragile and old And all the greedy souls Just don't care to know Of the changes it will confront

So speak out loud
Of the things you are proud
And if you love this coast
Then keep it clean as it evolves
'Cause the way that it shines
May just dwindle with time
With the changes it will confront

You know some people they just won't understand
won't understand
These things
Thank you for your message but I don't understand
won't understand
These things
So hold nice and close The ones that to get to your soul So that when it is cold You won't feel so alone 'Cause the roads that you take May just crack and break With the changes you will confront

With each gift that you share
You may heal and repair
With each choice you make
You may help someone's day
Well I know you are strong
May your journey be long
And now I wish you the best of luck
Well I know you are strong
May your journey be long
And now I wish you the best of luck.

You know some people they just won't understand no I just won't understand These things Thank you for your message but I don't understand no I just won't understand These things

With Gratitude for the Language of Music
~L~

My New Mantra

This Monday, I got home from work and it had been a very "Mondayish Monday." I checked my e-mail to find the below message from my Mama. The subject was "My New Mantra" and after reading this simple but brilliant story, it will become my mantra too. Let's share this with as many souls as possible. We all need reminding from Monday to day, that we have a choice when we wake up each day to choose happiness.

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. "I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. "Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait." "That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away.. Just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories!"

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

Have a nice day, unless you already have other plans.

With gratitude for e-mails from Mom
~L~

Finding Diamonds on the Freeway

When I wrote my last post, I was standing at a fork in the road. Since, I have chosen a path and been cruising/stumbling down it. I am not sure I can say I chose the road less traveled this time around. I feel like I'm on the 405 , not a dusty, hidden trail. Many who have come before me have raced down this multi-lane freeway known as corporate America, but I am determined to make my time on this path as unique as possible. I meditate each day on the way to work (eyes open of course) instead of listening to music or my beloved NPR. This 20 minutes of reflection and gratitude help center me for the remainder of the day and remind me that I am more than my physical body, I am more than my current job, and it is not what we are doing while here on earth necessarily, but how we go about doing it.

I see so many bland, dry, lack luster faces walk by in the tall office building that I visit for 8-10 hours 5 days a week. The eyes I try to peer inside of look glazed and still. "Did you want to end up working in an office building?" I often wonder. "What did you want to do when you were little?" I am always wondering when I see these stoic humans ... so far removed from the life that once, sizzled and popped within them ... even if only at birth. But, usually, I don't inquire. I am guilty of letting my gaze, though not yet glazed, fall downward and I ride up to my floor, the second floor, in silence. "Have a day unlike any other!" I want to say with gusto as I make my exit. "Find one way to make this mundane day memorable to you ... please!" But, I don't say this. I say, "Have a good day," if I say anything at all. I, despite my best attempt to keep an open heart, and present mind, am not immune to the long days spent in a rainbow of beige walls, the only breeze, from the AC unit.

Normally, I have some sort of takeaway after a semi-rant like this. Tonight, I am not sure I do. What did you want to do when you were little? What are you doing now? How did you get there and how do you make your days count if you are not working your dream job? I'd just love to know. And by the way, I am thankful to have this job and I know, as always, I am on this path because it's my path, however confusing it may be.

Here's a few lovely links.

Tips for Discovering Your Dream Job

Project Dream Job


~with gratitude for traveling multiple paths~

Namaste

Lindsay

When Two Roads Diverge ...

One of my favorite poems is The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. I memorized it in fourth grade and the poignant, elegant words have lingered in my deeper heart ever since. Now I find myself, once again, at a fork in the little meandering road called my life, trying to answer the looming question ... which road shall I take?

Now in this lovely poem, the person chooses the "road less traveled" which I can honestly and proudly say I have taken up until somewhat recently, when the real world smacked me upside my little blond head :) Oh well ... it was bound to happen and I can still, at very least, choose the road less traveled in smaller ways, that are sometimes more meaningful, right? I might be working in a cubicle currently, but I can choose to live by The Four Agreements as often as possible. I can remind myself that bliss cannot be disturbed by gain or loss and I can keep writing about living a Karmalized Life in Los Angeles.

So, as I stare down both paths at this fork in my road, I can see that both are well traveled, but I hope to choose the one that's is less traveled between them and blaze my own trail anyway.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The Magical, Karmalized Skyscraper

WOW! I cannot believe I haven't written a post since December 16th. Yikes. My day job has left me little time for things my soul loves, like this blog. Not a good sign. My life is out of balance. Hmmm ... note to self >> Change this and even out those scales Libra lady. <<

I would love to say that as the self proclaimed "Karmalized Girl" I always have fantabulous days, but of course, I'd be lying and that's not Karmalized, now is it? A few weeks ago, I was going to my 6 month dental check up at Dr. Dorfman's and having a below average kind of day. I'd left work early to get my teeth cleaned ... whooo hooo. The last time I went to my dentist, I had a very Karmalized experience, random I know. Well ... you won't believe what happened this time.

As I'm waiting for the elevator to arrive on the bottom floor of a giant skyscraper in Century City, an elderly man, immaculately dressed, shuffles into the lobby and waits beside me. He is leaning heavily on a walker, his gnarled knuckles white from intensely gripping the handles. When the elevator arrives, I hold the door as he slowly makes his way inside and a Russian lady, dripping with diamonds and makeup, climbs aboard as well. She gets out first and when she does, the well aged man turns to me and grins, "Oh, I thought she was with you. Maybe your Mother?" "Nope," I reply, "But she sure had a lot of jewelry on didn't she?" He chuckles as we ride up and up.

On the 16th floor the door opens and it turns out we are both getting off. I ask him where he is heading, knowing he'll need a wee bit of help. We walk to the left and I open the office door for him and say "see ya later," even though I know I probably won't. That simple interaction warms up my less than cheery heart. I walk down the hall to my dentist, happier about my day.
An hour or so later I emerge, teeth cleaner, mouth tasting like that awful gritty polish they use. I can't believe it when I see the old man come out of his doctors at the exact same time. "Boy, am I glad to see you," he says. And I feel so thankful I can help him back down the elevator just as I'd helped him up. We get in and as the door closes, he begins struggling to open a piece of chocolate wrapped in shiny red foil and shaped like lips. I watch, wanting to help him without offending him. He catches me eying the candy and quips "Did you get one of these at your doctor?" "I definitely didn't. You're lucky," I say. "Wanna split it?" He offers. "I'd love to," I chime as he hands me the chocolate so my younger, more able hands can tear away the foil. I give him half as the elevator doors open. We get out together and head out separate ways, smiling with our mouths full of melting chocolate.


It was instantly clear the universe had put me there, at that exact moment, to assist this gentle old soul. He must have crossed my path to remind me that tiny moments can make an ordinary day extraordinary, if we are open enough to see life's simplest offerings are often the most fulfilling.

Born with Bright Flames

Time for a cyber object lesson and a special thanks to my high school teacher Mrs. Landis who taught me how powerful these can be ... and that blonds can kill it on the debate team ;)

OBJECT: Fire

Fire needs oxygen to burn and stay "alive." The more oxygen it's openly exposed to and fanned with, the bigger and stronger it burns. Even a small candle with a small flame needs oxygen to stay lit. Once you cover the candle, taking away its oxygen source, you steal away its ability to burn, to flicker, to light what is dark.


People are like small candles each born with a flame. Upon entering this world, we have all the oxygen we need to breath deep and shine bright. As so many of us grow older, our once endless oxygen source begins to diminish slowly. The rigid, restrictive rules created by our society to impose conformity, block the free flowing fuel to our flames, our lights, our souls. Eventually, many of our flames sputter out completely, their oxygen source cut off indefinitely by too many constraints on how we should live our lives.


When the flame goes out, our destined path becomes dark and much harder to navigate. Tonight, I felt like my flame, my soul, my very essence was being covered by a large, looming rectangle of glass. While there was still a small flicker of fire, I fled, ducking out from beneath the translucent walls, about to close in around me and become, in fact opaque. I think I'd better fan my flame before I become an unlit candle that shines no light.


This is my new favorite book: Live What You Love by Bob and Melinda Blanchard, authors of A Trip to the Beach and Changing Your Course. Also, owners of Blanchards Restaurant in Anguilla and lovers of a juicy life.

This is their blog and a fabulous post that pairs well with mine above:

"Your Life Doesn’t Have to Fit Neatly Between the Lines. Color It Any Way You Want!"


Enjoy, keep your flame burning brightly and fan the flame of others often.

With Gratitude for Moments of Clarity in Chaos
~L~

Blind Sided by Life ... So Lovely

I currently find myself in a place in the world that provoked my Mom to send me the quote below. After taking a moment to internalize it, I had to share ...

"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that what is deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit." - e.e. Cummings

Somehow, Thanksgiving passed without a Thankful post here on Karmalized Life, but that doesn't mean I am not INCREDIBLY thankful, grateful, whatever you want to call it, for the gifts that have been magically, yes, magically presented to me during the past few months. They did not all appear to be gifts at first, some seemed more like soul-tearing wounds sprinkled with salt. But those same things that made me cry and cringe earlier this year, have ultimately reminded me of a greater strength that lives within and often emerges only during times of tragedy or great sadness. The sudden, difficult changes in my life long plans and the severe heartbreak I experienced this past summer brought me to where I am today. For the first time in a long while, I feel I am standing on the edge of a grand cliff, able to look to the horizon and see why my journey led me here, to this space, very different from what I could have imagined 6 months ago. This is a song I wrote in college when something happened in my life that didn't make any sense and forced me to live outside my comfort cube but was all the more wonderful because of its spontaneity. Sometimes my friends, you get blind sided by life and it's a lovely thing.

LiFe’S InViSiBlE
You may have your eyes wide open
You may have your journey planned
You know just where you’re going to
You know just where you’ll land

But you can’t see life coming
In every color, every form,
It’s like the wind at lightning’s speed
The hour before the storm

Ships navigate rough waters
When they’re sailing on the sea
But obstacles divert their course
And lost they’ll always be

So don’t plan on planning out your life
Just choose one road to take
And from that point make twists and turns
And welcome your mistakes

‘Cause you can’t see life coming
In every color, every form,
It’s like the wind at lightning’s speed
The hour before the storm

Endlessly you wonder
What does the future hold?
A lifetime of good fortune
Or dreams lost, love gone cold

But don’t stare into the future
And please don’t dwell upon your past
Cause life is happening right now
but it won’t always last

‘Cause you can’t see life coming
In every color, every form,
It’s like the wind at lightning’s speed
The hour before the storm

Written by Miss Lindsay Lorraine Jones

Sometimes ...

Sometimes, you experience moments that make you re-think everything you've ever been told. In these moments, you realize this life is just a play, and yes, we are all merely actors. So play whatever part you want ... become the star of your own life and remember we all began as slobbering babies in diapers. You really can do what you want to do in this life ... Hollywood is only one example of a perfect illusion.

100 Things You've Never Seen

Each day is a gift ... right? We're supposed to relish each moment above ground and feel grateful just to be alive, kickin' and lickin' a chocolate dipped, soft serve cone from McDonald's ... correct? Well, I'd bet that delicious ice cream cone that I'm not the only one who finds days flying by, blurring together, and disappearing without every being truly "un-wrapped."

As a newbie in the corporate world, I'm finding it especially difficult to juice unique and memorable experiences out of my Monday-Fridays. Peering out at the world from a cube located high off the ground behind large glass windows, I wonder ... how do people who do the same thing, day in, day out, how can they, me, we, still make our days separate, inspiring, and satisfying? It might be a cube that confines you, a relationship, or simply a rut. We are human and seem to thrive on consistency and schedule because it's safe.

But don't we secretly (or publicly) want to bubble over with awe-inspiring enthusiasm for life each morning a la Tony Robbins? We dream of living lives that snap-crackle-pop with the thrill of the unknown (see the beauty of blank). In reality (whatever that means to you) most of us cannot be vagabonds and follow every wild whim ... so what are we to do? Let the daily grind percolate through our souls, squeezing out every drop of la vida loca? No! (I love being dramatic.) I invite you to look. LOOK around you ... then look beyond where your eyes would normally stop. On your way to work, your morning run, at your coffee shop, consciously focus on objects you would never otherwise notice. I tried this for the first time while walking into the office, then on a jog yesterday. It's amazing how much we don't see because we're on auto pilot ... not noticing all the unique nuances that surround us daily.

If this sounds simple, and lame ... just try it for five minutes. Go somewhere you've been hundreds of times and try to see it in a totally different way. Let your eyes flow beyond the stone wall and past the telephone wires ... what's there? Gaze at the frame, not the window, the dirt between the blades of grass ... it's a meditation on how to be present and more connected in our daily lives.

With gratitude for things I've yet to see ~L~

By the way ... love this blog

~The Big Trip~

A little shamless self promotion here ya'll ;) Rate me on You Tube to help me win "The Big Trip!" With gratitiude for your precious time ~L~

How Peaceful Are You?

Have you read A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle? If not, it's well worth the time and effort it takes to really understand it. It took me oh ... 4 months to get through, a few pages a day then a digestion period. I highlighted the entire work practically.

Tonight my Mom heard Eckhart Tolle on the radio asking this simple but life changing question: "Are you a peaceful presence in the relationships you have?" My mom said it really stuck a chord with her. She's been married for about 37 years and she was explaining how after a time ... you can begin to forget to keep things as peaceful as they can be. Conflict becomes the norm, not the exception, however minor the conflict may be. My parents get along very well compared to many couples, but still, I could tell she felt there could be more peace if they were both more conscious of being a peaceful presence in the marriage.

At the end of my relationship with Derrek, I was anything but a peaceful presence. I let my own feelings of being unfulfilled bleed through to our relationship and soil it. Now that we're broken up, we actually have a more peaceful relationship. So ask yourself this question and answer it honestly. "Am I a peaceful presence, more often than not, in my relationships?" This means in love, friendship, family, and work. Do you cause unnecessary drama and unrest? If so, why? Let's try to be the most peaceful beings we can be this week in all our relationships. It's Monday ... begin now. Tell me as the week goes by ... how are you being a more peaceful presence and do you notice a change?

With Gratitude for an awakening consciousness ~L~

KARMALIZATION AT ITS BEST!

"CAN YA SPARE SOME WATER MATE?"


"Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains un-awakened."

An e-mail I got last week made me smile from the inside all day long. You know that full body kind of grin when you just have the overall feeling that BIG PARTS of this life are so magical, so kind, so simply good?

Enjoy and share these pictures of overheated Koalas in Australia "asking" humans for a drink of water .... awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww



"AHHHHH ... THIS FEELS NICE."


"JUST A TASTE ... MMMMMMM, YUMMERS."


"I LOVE ME A GOOD COLD PLUNGE!"

~With gratitude for all animals ... us included ~ L

The Beauty of Blank ...

"CASH ARNOLD CARUTHERS, 10WKS YOUNG"

Before I start typing this space is blank. Pure white, untouched, with endless possibilities as to what will transpire on this "page." A blank blog post, a blank canvas, a new born baby ... they all have one phenomenally exhilarating thing in common ... the idea of nothing. No mistakes have been made, no commitments broken, no direction chosen. I love the blank beginning of things ... travels, relationships, jobs, days.

There is so much wonder and excitement when every option is a distinct possibility. About 8 minutes ago, this blog could have been about traveling to Peru to experience an ancient Shaman ceremony or a list of 10 free things you can do to make daily life MUCH BETTER. We enter the world as pure consciousness ... unscathed by any human inflicted thoughts, rules, emotions, or regulations. We don't pop out of the womb wondering why we're naked or where our hair is. We just are for awhile. A very short while until we begin to be written upon, painted on, molded into the egoic "me" we will become.

Now, I've written about this before, but I'll write about it again, and maybe again because it is a question that's ongoing in so many of our lives. As young people, we are still hopeful, ambitious, spirited and some of us REALLY believe we can and will lead the life we imagine. Nothing is certain, we can do everything!!! As we age sooooo many of us get stuck in intense, grinding obligations: Earning money, caring for a family, running errands! Seriously ... how many of us at 18 think, "Well I plan to spend 40% of this life doing mundane things that have no real meaning to me," a.k.a errands. We don't think like that when we're young and still somewhat blank.

When a painter starts a canvas and hates it, they trash it or paint over it and begin again. When a blogger dislikes their post, they delete it. When a writer wants to take the story in a new direction, they do just that. Paintings, blogs and books are easier to change than lives ... yes ... but we can learn so much from how we treat our blogs, canvases, lyrics, scripts. When we don't like what we've made we scrap it. Isn't your life AS IMPORTANT, NO MORE IMPORTANT than any canvas? If you are miserable 5 days a week because of your job, or 365 days a year because of a bad relationship you're in, scrap it!!!!!!!! Why don't we do this? Why are there millions of people roaming the earth like drones, too scared and docile to wake the $@*&^((@@**!? up and say WHAT AM I DOING HERE? WHAT DO I REALLY WANT TO DO? TODAY, RIGHT NOW AND WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I BAILED ON MY LIFE AS IT IS AND CHANGED? Change ... people hate it, but shocker ... nothing ever changes without change.

So, I am challenging you to GET OUT OF YOUR ROUTINE RUT and do something different today. DO SOMETHING YOU HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU DEFINITELY WOULD DO IN THIS LIFETIME. It can be huge ... like join the peace corps ... or small like buy a pink cruiser bike and ride through town in a violet bikini. Just do something that makes you think, yes, this is MY life! No, I am not stuck without choices and I am REALLY living. This week I drastically changed my eating habits. A 5 day cleanse of fruits, veggies, whole grains, tofu, tea, no sugar, no coffee, NO WINE!!! Day 3 ... I feel more alive, grumpy, but juicy too. Make change a habit ... it'll change your life.

With Gratitude for Change and Blank Blogs

~L~

Feelings About Life, Death & Facebook

Social Media has become a HUGE part of many people's lives. I have a job because of social media. I use Twitter, Facebook, and blogs ALL DAY LONG! Soooo my own little blogs have been feeling neglected for sure! But when does it all become TOO MUCH ... too invasive ... too permeating ... oh I know when ... this morning. That's when FB became like the paparazzi ... annoying, always there, reporting very private details of life.

I signed on to show my mom a few pics and noticed this post on my cousins wall ...

"S is Missing her Grandpa ... R.I.P"

Ummmm .... What %#@*@($*?? My mind quickly calculated the facts ... we have the same Grandpa ... and her other Grandpa had already passed. I looked up at my mom, tears on the brink of spilling down. My Grandpa, my Mom's Dad had passed away on Thursday night and she couldn't bring herself to tell me over the phone. So, instead, I found out on Face Book ... huh? It felt wrong, surreal, and at the same time almost laughable. If my Grandpa, Richard Matthew Lynch, had known I would find out about his death through the internet, on something called Face Book, he would have been beyond confused.

There is nothing wrong with my sweet cousin putting her thoughts about our Gramp on Facebook ... most of our family is on there and now I'm blogging about it! It was just so strange to find out from Face Book, that my funny, golf loving, cane collecting, doughnut eating Gramps had left earth. Grampa never even knew FB existed!!

Things on earth have changed ... no question. And I guess it's better not to label our new experiences as good or bad. They just are ... and they couldn't be anything else at the time. And when we leave this all behind and float into the ether ... none of these earthly details will matter, will they?

With Gratitude for growing up with a Grampy who couldn't have done the whole Grandpa thing any better! I'm having old fashion doughnuts for breakfast Gramp!
~L~

Hot, Tired, & Wired

Just finished baking Caffeine, I mean Coffee cupcakes to take to work tomorrow with the new POMx iced coffee ... delish BTW and no, there's no Pomegranate in the coffee. Just the antioxidant part from the POM, so I guess it's kind of a healthy way to crack out :) I'm exhausted and hot, but wired from tasting a lil' too much frosting. Gotta get it just right ya know?

This weekend I'm heading to Palm Springs to R&R and see the parental units. I'll go with the tangent that just popped into my head and say I've been trying to wake up 15 minutes earlier than I need to so I can sit on the floor, get grounded, and meditate a bit before trudging headlong out into the crazy city I call home. Those days are better days ... I can tell you that. The mornings I rise and give thanks, and be quiet, and focus on one intention for the day (today it was compassion) ... those days are more graceful, calm, inspired, and present.

I begin by chanting OM 3 times to quiet my sleepy head and just breathe deeply for a few minutes. Then I express my gratitude and thoughts out loud to the universe or whoever is listening. And I always give thanks for the taken for granted, vital things that are sadly luxuries for so many in our world today.

I am grateful that never one day in my life have I gone without an abundance of food, clean water, shelter, general health,safety, a home free of war, and love.

What are you grateful for right now? What are you grateful for every single day that you get to experience life?

With the deepest gratitude for seemingly simple things that become extraordinary once you no longer have them. ~L~

I'm REALLY REALLY Rich

I'm really, really, really, really rich. Doesn't sound too Karmalized, but read on. Last week, I was driving along and I realized this. No, I didn't find out about a huge trust fund with my name on it nor did I win the lottery. I had just listened to an incredibly thoughtful voice mail left by a girl I barely know. She was sending me good wishes in my job search. She was sending me light and love to heal my broken heart. She took time out of her busy, busy day, to comfort me, someone she'd just met. By the way, she, Lenka, is proof there are indeed amazing people living in this mad city of angels.

I saved the voice mail and began thinking of all the phenomenal people I'm so blessed to know and be able to spend my days and nights with. In the past month alone, the people that have entered my life have been truly spectacular. Characters, who live life fully and find juiciness in the everyday. For each one of my new friends, I am deeply grateful. For all of my old friends, no amount of cold cash, could ever buy the joy and happiness I've experienced as a result of having you all in my life. And to my family, Mom, Dad, Dan, Kathy and extended, you simply cannot put a price on the unconditional love you give me everyday. It's true, that money cannot buy happiness. The happiness in my life has come from the endless circle of loving, caring, genuine, people who cross my path, for however long. And all the monetary wealth in the world, cannot buy a fairytale family, cannot buy forever friends, cannot buy the precious moments we experience because of the people in our story. Here is one definition of rich:

rich
adj. rich·er, rich·est

1.Having great worth or value.

2.Having an abundant supply.





I have an abundant supply of what's most important in this life. I recognize, not everyone is lucky enough, rich enough, to have an ample amount of dear friends and loving family. Relationships with special people are a heavenly gift, never to be taken for granted. If you know someone who could use a little "heart wealth" share some of yours. Despite this crazy economy ... I am very rich, and this kind of wealth does not rise and fall with Wall Street. This kind of rich, has nothing to do with dollars. This rich is real, but like financial wealth, must be taken care of and attended to. Are you showing those people that matter in your life how much you appreciate them? Your bank account will never love you back my friend. You can't call it at 2am crying or laughing for that matter. Let's remember today what being truly rich really means.

With gratitude for every single person who has touched my heart and every new friend to come ~L~

The Art of Love

I'm pretty sure everyone goes through "anti-love" times in life. Those periods when everywhere you look, there seems to be gleeful, lusty-eyed couples, embracing and basking in the golden glowing light that only L-O-V-E can produce ... and it makes you cringe. All of a sudden, even your favorite hip-hop station seems to be on a LoVe song kick ... JT brought sexy back, then fell in Summer LOVE and Drake's singing about finding "the one." Awesome.

You are not in love and want to forget the whole fairytale concept that's been drilled into us from childhood. You're bitter. A brutal divorce, death of a loved one, terminal illness, a breakup that's left your heart shattered but still beating ... all these things can make us want to JUST SAY NO TO LOVE. I can't say that I've been a huge fan of the emotionally charged four letter word lately, but, I have tried to remember that like all things, love comes and it goes. It changes, grows, shifts, and moves spontaneously through our lives. I'm learning this. I'm learning love can't flourish in controlling situations and love doesn't mean "He'll change for me and I for him." Real love comes naturally, without ultimatums, excuses, and selfishness. I'm learning.
My childhood friend Galen got married to the fabulous Shayla in Tahoe a few weeks ago. When your weddings been called off, going to another wedding is not high on your "to-do" list ... but I love Galen like a brother and could not miss this celebration o' love. After the ceremony, instead of feeling sad and heart-wrecked, I felt inspired and grateful to have witnessed a marriage that happened for all the right reasons. Galen and Shayla have gracefully mastered the art of love. They are two very different people, but I could tell neither one wanted to change the other and that, I now know, is one of the main ingredients in a never ending love story. These two got married for the only reason anyone should: They learned they wanted to live together forever, in friendship, love, and everyday life.

Today, it's more common for people to marry for every wrong reason that exists. See sad but true list below:

#1 - Because it's time. The girl is about to turn 30 or the couple has been together for about 5 years and is living together so ... why the hell not riiiight? WRONG.

#2 - Because they feel they should. This is about pleasing family, pleasing friends, pleasing the status quo in our Western world. Don't get married to please anyone but you and your love.

#3 - Because you're scared to be alone. This reason makes people settle. Settling sucks! Don't, don't do it. Wait for who you REALLY want.

#4 - Because we're SO in love. Wait what? Shouldn't this be the ONLY reason to get married? Nope. Sorry. Marriage is a complex animal. Yes, you must have LOVE for the person, but there has to be some common ideas about life as well. Also, you need to be enlightened enough to grasp what love is and isn't about. You must really LIKE the person, because when the glow wears off, which it will, you want to be left with your best friend who you think is quite attractive. People who are crazy in the throws of Serotonin driven la-la-love, often forget to look down the long road ahead. This mistake can be disastrous. If you want to travel the world and he hates leaving the state, but the sex is amazing and you REALLY love him ... don't do it. If he loves small town life and you're a CITY GIRL, but you love each other, still no. Bummer huh? Ok, now for the Karmalized, uplifting part of this post ;)

The morning after the wedding, my best friend Tif (she was my date) and I decided to stroll around Tahoe City for a while before driving back to Reno. We walked through a little craft fair where I bought this beautiful print of two dolphins ... I'm rarely moved enough to purchase a piece of art, but this picture touched my currently healing heart. It just happened to be called "The Art of Love." This is the caption by Tim Wistrom on the back:"Every day that he paints, Tim adds more paint and more colors to his palette which will soon create a vision from his imagination, directly on canvas. The dolphin on the canvas has already been created and is awaiting his sweetheart, who is on her way. The leap from the palette to the canvas will bring them together forever."

On our walk back to the car, we pass a trash can and I notice this sticker:

Hmmm ... the universe is not always subtle. A love filled wedding, a heartfelt painting, and just in case I was feeling a little dense, a sign on a garbage can reminding me not to "throw love away." Clearly now is not the time to shun love. That time is never.

There Now, That's Better

A little more John Butler before I bounce off to the gym. In the Western world especially, we're taught from a young age to strive to be better, push yourself harder, you're only as good as your last ... but I'm beginning to think that concept's a little (or a lot) flawed. We need to practice being the best person we can be during each moment of life, but constantly trying to be better than ... make more than ... work harder than, has led us to a society of stressed out, uptight, heart attack having humans. Enjoy the moment ... how 'bout that? There now, that's better, isn't it? ;)

John Butler - Better Than - LIVE

Losing You

This is one of my favorite songs of the moment. It puts in perspective the idea of "losing things" in this life time. Some would say I've lost a lot lately, but really there's only one thing I've lost that cannot be regained, replaced, or repurchased. We're all so scared of losing stuff ... our job, our house, our car, our stock options ... but in the end, the only thing we should really care about losing is love. Enjoy now a lil' John Butler. The sweet lyrics are below for your reading pleasure ;)


There are things in this life I,
would rather not sacrifice
You girl I cannot live without
And you know there's no doubt that
All I mind's losing you

And I don't mind losing sleep
Pray the lord my soul to keep
I'll get plenty rest so when I'm dead but 'till,
'Till then won't you share my bed 'cos,
All I mind's losing you
All I mind's losing you

And I don't mind losing money
There's nothing this life owes me
I've been given more than I can receive
But for, for you there's no receipt so,
All I mind's losing you
All I mind's losing you

And I don't mind growing old
Losing teeth and going bald
Not as handsome as I never was but,
You love me just because
All I mind's losing you
All I mind's losing you

And there are things in this life I,
would rather not sacrifice
You girl I cannot live without
And you know there's no doubt that
All I mind's losing you
All I mind's losing you
All I mind's losing you

More Moments ... More Life

After D and I decided to part ways, my mom came to LA to help me apartment hunt. It wasn't the fun kind of "I'm so excited to be moving into a new place," type of hunt. It was the frantic, crazed home search you experience when you HAVE TO get out of your current living situation ASAP. By day three, we were emotionally exhausted and I found myself, through a deluge of tears, asking the Universe or God, or whoever is controlling this whole shebang, to please, please help me find a little one bedroom I could afford. True story: Not ten minutes later we drove past a really nice building with a 1BD for rent sign posted in front. While I thought it would be way out of my price range, I called. A well aged voice answered the phone and to my surprise, the apartment was just within my budget. We pulled over and asked to view the place right away.

As she opened the front door I could tell her life had been long and not always easy. Her face was painted with the softest, deep set wrinkles, that only time, laughter, and struggle can create. She wore a full face of makeup ... bright rose lipstick, dark rouge and haphazardly curled hair. Inessa was from Russia, we learned in the elevator ride up to the third floor. Her husband and she managed this 48 unit building, but he'd passed and now she did the job alone! We were shocked since she looked to be around 80. The Universe had responded pretty quickly to my plea and Inessa helped speed up the credit check process (though this building is notoriously hard to get into) after she heard about my breakup situation. She was clearly an angel sent to my rescue and declared herself my Russian Mother! I hugged her, eyes watering, lips smiling with relief.

It's now mid July. I move in and make her promise to call me when she needs a ride to the bank or grocery store because she doesn't drive. She tells me she has her "Mercedes" a.k.a. shopping cart that she pushes down the street to Ralph's Grocery! I'm in aw ... this precious lady is old, really old, and not only does she work full time, she walks to the market and back every week in the heat of summer. At first I feel sorry for her, but quickly I realize how happy this work and exercise makes her. "It is my life, you understand?" She asks me in a Russian accent thick like the best Borscht. "Yes," I smile. "I do understand." And all of a sudden I really do. In this life, as we age and ego fades, it's not what we do that makes us fulfilled and content. It's if we do, anything, and how we do it.

Inessa, while being the oldest apartment manager I've had, is by far the very best! The building is immaculately clean and she makes sure fix-it complaints are attended to within 24 hours maximum. It's amazing how hard she works and I can see it is the sole thing that keeps her going. She has a reason to get up and get out into the world. She has a purpose and she is proud. On top of all this, she dropped off homemade cream puffs to me last week! She is my new inspiration.

A few days ago, I drove her to the bank to deposit the rent checks. As she got out she told me to go, she was taking the bus home. I insisted on waiting. She insisted on taking the bus. I'm not one to argue with a Russian Grandmother so I said OK. As I watched her close my car door and walk into the bank, dressed in a pretty blouse and skirt, I experienced yet another MOMENT. Inessa is 80. Her husband died recently. She must work to stay in her home. She is 80. She accepts her life. She smiles, she bakes, she takes care of her tenants, and she inspires me to be "she" one day, if I'm lucky. The little moments in life are so wise. The simple person, so important.

With Gratitude for Inessa and Angels ~L~

This Man's Got it Right

We all have days when we want to give up ... on our job, our family, the world, ourselves. Don't and I won't either, OK?

There Are Moments

There are moments. That my friend, is a fact. Every month, day, hour is made of tiny, individual moments. But, there are moments and there are MOMENTS. Those split seconds in time that you remember forever because they spoke to you on a visceral level. These moments are not grandiose. On the contrary, the moments I speak of are quiet, subtle ... but life changing and soul altering.

A lot has happened in my life recently and I am just now able to write about all that's transpired. Sometimes pixels seem to be a cold way of expressing such intense, raw emotion. On July 1st, my Karmalized fiance and I came to a fork in the road on our journey of love. As much as it pained both of us, we could not keep traveling in the same direction. One of us needed to go left, the other, right. We walked backwards for awhile, watching each other, as the space between us grew. Finally, rounding two separate bends, we lost sight of "us" completely. It was at this heart-shattering juncture that I was forced to look ahead and face my uncertain future, as me, not we.

It's been just over one month and there's a strange, numbing calm surrounding my everyday. This feeling of being an empty, blank canvas creates space for MOMENTS to occur. These MOMENTS gently guide you back from the darkness and towards the light.

Here are a few of my most recent MOMENTS:

1) MOMENT: Seeing one black umbrella lying on the sidewalk, open, on a sunny summer L.A. day.

MEANING: The possibility of death.

FACTS: The umbrella belonged to an old homeless man who lived in that exact spot on the sidewalk in a chair, sheltered by 3 umbrellas. In 2 years, I never saw him move once. One night when it was pouring rain outside, I drove by, shocked he was still there enduring the frigid, wet weather. I wanted to save him, but I didn't know how. I'm ashamed to say I was too scared to approach him with blankets, etc. as I'd never even seen his face, always covered by umbrellas. Sadly, my fear of the unknown,intensely horrible situation won over, but every time I drove by, I looked for him. Last week, I looked for him once again, but only saw the lone black umbrella. I don't know what happened to the man with no home, but in half of one second, I realized how much pain and suffering one human can endure before it becomes too much. The lost black umbrella reminded me that the despair caused by a broken heart may feel life threatening at points, but in reality is simply a scratch.

2) MOMENT: Hearing three loud honks from the horn of a U-Haul moving truck driven by Derrek, my once fiance.

MEANING: Signaling the abrupt ending of a great love story and the beginning of my new book, title unknown.

FACTS: Everything of mine was finally packed up. It felt like we were getting divorced even though we'd never married. I told Derrek to honk when he was outside with the moving truck. When I heard the horn I was standing in the now empty living room and I looked up at the door, paralyzed. Time seemed to stop for a moment, allowing brutal reality to gush over me. We were really breaking up and I was really moving out. The time to leave had just arrived and it was honking at me. I never knew the arrival of a U-Haul truck could convey such profound sadness.

More moments to come in my next post ...

With Gratitude for Guiding Moments
~L~

Have You Seen These Signs?

Sometimes the universe screams at me. It waves me down with "hands" flailing saying "STOP!!!! LOOK! Pay attention to the signs! I need your attention so I can show you why you're here." How many times have you been aimlessly floating around wondering just that ... "Why am I here? What is my purpose? My destiny." There is every chance the universe, God, whatever you believe in is trying to show you why, but you're just too busy, too closed, too unconscious to be still and listen.

An ex-boyfriend of mine was the first person to tell me about these signs. It was my senior year of college. He was a freshmen and I thought, really? What can this kid know about the universe. He knew a lot. Anyway, from time to time, usually when I'm feeling for spiritual and extra karmalized ... I begin to see the signs that guide me to places I'd otherwise never go and I end up experiencing new things and helping people along the way. Lately, the universe is screaming again, (well talking loudly at least), telling me to get out of my head and help the world any way I can.

This song "Say Hey," by Michael Franti and Spearhead came on the radio the other day and I LOVED IT! You know when a song just hits a chord in your heart and it's like you've heard it hundreds of times already? He says it's not a love song for the world, but I beg to differ.



Another sign I need to get off my tush and help others? One of my favorite blogs, the soaring impulse, lead me to find Young Heroes. This is an amazing organization that helps orphans in Swaziland. I did tons of research to make sure it was legit and it definitely checks out. I read this guys blog whenever I'm feeling down or grumpy for some LAME reason and it puts a smile on my face, tears in my eyes, and opens my heart. Try it ... you'll like it. It might change your life. Who knows.

With Gratitude for Signs from Above,
~L~

Quit Staring

I'm a watcher ... I love to look at people and think about the details of their lives. Sometimes they'll catch me staring and I want to say ... "sorry, I was just wondering what your life is like." But that would probably make them feel weird, so instead, I quickly look away. If I had one "anything" wish, I'd like to be able to embody other people, animals, & living things for a few days. It's funny, because I've always thought of myself as kind of self absorbed, and yet I continually find myself being more interested in other peoples activities, than in my own. (Maybe I just need to get a more interesting life? lol) I'm always amazed when I see people in a restaurant who have not looked around once the entire meal. They are so engaged in their conversation that nothing else matters. Is that a gift? Are people who are mainly engrossed in their own lives living more in the moment?

A great listener, I am normally not. If you happen to be dining with me at a loud, busy place, getting my complete attention is difficult ... and I have no clue as to why. Why am I so concerned with what others are up to? Strangers, who I'll most likely never know. So often, I just want to ask the ticket taker at the mall, the waiter, the sales clerk, the dentist, "What would you really like to do with your life? Are you happy? What would you have done differently?" Part of me wants these questions, at that moment, to spark something inside them and change the course of their life. Another part just wants to learn from their experience. (Oh and one part is just nosy.)

So I stare, wondering, then I feel awkward when I'm caught :) Oh well. So ... what's my point here in this little post? I would just like to be able to be more honest with everyone ... shun the social graces and ask ... what's your deal? Are you living the life you imagined for yourself when you were 8 years old? If you are ... can you show me how? Sometimes, not all the time mind you, but sometimes when I ask a random stranger, "How are you?" I wish they'd really tell me.

So Simple, So Grand, So Easy, So SMILE!!!!!

I woke up this morning to a nasty e-mail to which I responded with a somewhat nasty e-mail (wrong I know) which left me feeling well, nasty and less than karmalized. This video from a blog I love, Goodness Graciousness, changed all that and put things back in perspective.

How to Find or Keep Your Soul Mate

WARNING: THIS POST IS NOT A SNUGGLY KARMALIZED POST BUT A PERSONAL RANT AFTER A 14 HOUR DRIVE, ABOUT THE CURRENT STATE OF MY RELATIONSHIP.


I'm sitting at my parent's house eating Crunchy Salty Trader Joe's peanut butter (my fav) and bananas. I drove about 1,100 miles with my mama over the past 2 days to get back to the land I love ... California. My blogs have been sparse lately ... due to 2 things: A, I've not been feeling very karmalized lately (embarrassing to admit after my last post) and B, in the last month, Derrek and I have made some major changes to our somewhat certain life plan and as a Libra ... I have a HARD time with massive changes that happened pretty much overnight ... tips my scales out of whack ya know? He's a Libra too ... but these changes were his idea making them easier to handle. Some I thought brilliant, others not so much.


I'm also a controlist ... meaning I like to BE-IN-CONTROL and when Derrek began making all these decisions to move, not build, buy a house, sell the land, close his business, I started to feel like a tiny bug who had been swept off my flower by a mini tornado with no clue as to where I'd be set down again. (Not a great analogy, but all I can come up with due to car brains.) I felt the same way when he wanted to move from LA to Colorado a year ago ... I went to be with him, but it wasn't really a joint decision. When I feel out of control, it's like I have permanent PMS and sadly, it's usually Derrek who feels the wrath. We've had a rough 2 weeks ... tons of fighting caused by me mainly ... being overly emotional and bitchy. Not using "my words" to communicate that "I feel like Derrek forgot there are 2 PEOPLE in a relationship," but instead, screaming through a deluge of angry tears. So, what to do? How to patch this cut in our love?


I'm a Tony Robbins fan and some of his best advice I believe was this: When you are looking for a partner, soul mate, etc. ask yourself, "Who do I have to become to attract that person? Who will that person be looking for?" Derrek is very much the type of person I've been looking for in this life ... but recently, I have become someone my ideal partner wouldn't want to be with. So I have to ask again ... to remind myself ... who must I be, not to attract, but to keep my soul mate? Of course, I need to be myself, but what qualities made him fall in love with me? Have I let those disappear during my own, internal struggle with control?


Here's my new list which is a little different from the list I made when I was still searching for my soul mate ... this list has to be custom made for Derrek.

"Who I Need to be to Keep Soul Mate"

(a.k.a. who did he fall in love with and where did she go?)

By Lindsay Lorraine Jones

I must treat him with loving kindness

I must respect him, his ideas, thoughts and quirks

Be nice

Support him

Be flexible

I must compromise

Trust him and believe in his abilities to do anything really wants

LISTEN!!!

I must not be his mother

I must be calm

Be honest and communicate my feelings without yelling

I must take time for myself and understand he will want to do the same

Accept that he is messy and likes to stay up late sometimes

I must appreciate his efforts to change things that really bother me

I must take the rocking chair test more often

I must not let myself be so comfortable that we become friends but not lovers

Be successful in my own right

I must put him first when something really matters to him and often for no reason at all

I must let him be who he is, fully and completely ... if I can't, we're not a match

I must RELAX

Cheer him on

I must be the water, clear, open and capable of flowing over any rocks in the river

Be a thoughtful woman, willing to go the extra mile

I must remember I am far from perfect and have quirks he could live without

Be intelligent

I must be confident

Always treat our love as a precious gift from the universe

I must cherish him, protect him and care for him

Be more selfless

I must live with him side by side, not 3 steps ahead

I must be flirtatious, fit and fashionable

Be affectionate, but not smother him

I must treat him, as wonderfully as he treats me

I must star in my own movie and let him star in his ... so we can co-star in our movie together with a happily ever after ending.

With Gratitude for a place to Rant,

~L~

You Can't Make Lemonade without Lemons

I'll be cliche and begin this blog with a cliche ... "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Great! Easy enough ... but has anyone ever asked "What if there are no lemons?" Try making lemonade without the key ingredient. Not following me? My point is in life, sometimes we need to deal with "lemons" before we can enjoy any sweet "lemonade." Right now, many feel life is handing out lemons like free samples at Costco ... I personally know many people who are having a really rough time because of the current economic state and it is SCARY AS HELL! SUPER SOUR if you will. But, it's during hard times, not blissfully flourishing times, that people revert back to living a more simple life, which does wonders for the soul.

My mom sent me this article that made me realize how hard times force people to examine what really matters in life ... food, shelter, water and family. That's about it. And so those of us who still have those 4 basic necessities ... should be feeling REALLY darn lucky right now. And, those of us who have any more than that, should feel the deepest sense of gratitude, for many have lost at least 1 of those 4 basic necessities. If you have a job right now, you're probably pretty pumped about it, even if you hated that same job 2 years ago.

Notice how when you are feeling grateful, it's hard to feel negative at the same time. So cultivate an attitude of gratefulness for all the small things in your life you normally take for granted when everything is lemonade. Try to be grateful for something in each activity you do today. It will change your state, lift your heart and allow you to help others remember that you can't make lemonade, without the lemons. This is my favorite excerpt from Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet ... it pretty much says the same thing ... just a bit more eloquently. Enjoy! :)

With Gratitude for Lemons
~L~

Following a Whim and a Wish

My New Home!!!! Well, close to it ;)

When life magically changes course without any prior notice whatsoever ... it's invigorating, spastic, unsettling, and fabulous! 2 days ago Derrek called me to ask a "hypothetical" question. "What if we moved back to LA while the dome is being built (our new home) in Colorado?" Hypothetical turned into very real when we booked a flight to Los Angeles yesterday to view a house we saw on Craigs List today. We rented it on the spot!!!!!!!!!!! I'm moving back to the city I love and I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
fantastically thrilled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let life take you away sometimes in directions you never thought you would go! It feels really good, trust me.

With Gratitude for Unlikely Wishes Granted

~L~